When the email arrived, Tim came away from his computer with such a sad face that I thought someone had died.
I was at the table writing holiday cards while festive music played softly in the background. Shamus, the Newf, was romping in the snow and Emmett, our foster of six months, was resting in his bed by the fire.
“Somebody is interested in Emmett,” Tim said.
I felt sick.
Tim sat down.
We wrote more cards. We took in the holiday scene, the romance of it. We saw our boy so content in the other room. We each shed a few tears while the other wasn’t looking.
Having asked Tim in early December if an adoption contract was in our holiday future (Emmett was the only present I wanted), Tim said he prefers to perpetually foster. I didn’t push the issue, promising to never back Tim into a corner the way I did to keep Bill, the first foster I couldn’t let go. While I want to make this a decision together at the right time, getting the first bite of interest for Emmett meant a real conversation was in order.
I know Emmett could make a great pet for the right person but, after talking it through, Tim and I are also sure that Emmett’s progress would revert in the face of change. We watched Emmett go back to square one for a full five days after spending just one week at the kennel. How will a new situation effect his sense of security? I also worry that Emmett’s nervous antics (he ate another cushion today) will incite anger with somebody new. The truth is, sometimes we get angry and we’re pretty darn tolerant. So yes, there are many questions about whether Emmett is adoptable yet or whether we can emotionally let him go.
The debate has not been settled for nearly a month, in part because the inquiring family never asked after Emmett again. Still, this is the moment of truth. As I see it, we have 3 options.
- We continue to foster and eventually send Emmett out into the world.
- We make a lifetime commitment to him.
- We ride this out and have the conversation all over again the next time a query arrives.
I’m opting for 2 while Tim opts for 3.
For now, I leave you with this video of what life with Emmett is like. Six months of our fostering experience has been condensed into less than 6 tasty and digestible minutes for your viewing pleasure. (To satiate your appetite for more ridiculousness not caught on camera, visit my previous post, “The Forever Foster?“). Perhaps you, dear reader, can offer some perspective. We’re obviously too in love.
If you enjoyed this post, get plenty more via RSS or email.
Share on Facebook, Twitter and other networks by using the buttons below.
Hi @KimClune,
Emmett and Shamus seem to be such good friends. Emmett also seems like he loves you guys very much and I’m sure he would very much like to continue to be part of your family.
/wave
Gunilla Wachtel
Kanweienea Kreations
Hi Gunilla,
Your point about the relationship between Emmett and Shamus is one I find important. Emmett is not the only rescue to consider here.
When Shamus first came to us, he was depressed. He missed all the hustle and bustle provided by his former family of two parents, three small children and his best Bassett Hound friend. With just me working from home and Tim off to the office until dinner, Shamus was in need of some action. Emmett’s arrival provided an abundance of that.
Shamus has gone from finding Emmett a complete nuisance to craving his companionship. This became most evident with the seasonal change. Emmett won’t go outside as much in colder temperatures so Shamus has learned a new trick. He calls to Emmett from under the window, barking as though there’s something interesting to see. The moment Emmett charges through the dog door, Shamus stops barking and incites a romp in the snow. This alerting bark is obviously just an ingenius ploy.
Although Shamus has settled in with us and is now living a very happy life, to disrupt Emmett’s life would be to disrupt Shamus’ once more too.
Dear Kim,
I have had the great privilege and joy of watching your many wonderful videos. Thank you! They are all very heartwarming. This latest video featuring Emmett brought tears to my eyes and a lump in my throat. It is so clear that this special dog IS in his forever home.
With you, your husband, Shamus, and dear Kitty, Emmett has all the love, socialization, discipline, exercise, wonder, and joy that every dog deserves. For whatever reason, The special bond between Emmett and your family has been formed. It would be a tragedy to wrench his forever family away from him. I truly don’t believe this foster dog would now be best served being adopted out. He belongs where he is right now and I simply can’t imagine that a better, more life-giving, life-nurturing home and environment awaits him than what he has right now with you – your pack.
I will pray for Emmett that his deepest desires, wants, and needs are best served (staying with you!). The sooner the commitment is made to keep him, well, his heart and soul will find peace and will soar!! Dogs sense things like uncertainty and temporary-ness. I tell my rescue Newfie everyday that she is in her forever home and she will stay with us always!! For a dog that has had 3 or more very bad homes over her short life, saying this to her really makes her feel so much more settled.
Emmett: Your adorable little loveable, rambunctious, mischievious, delightful, loving mutt (who you can tell is really trying to be a good doggy) deserves staying with you!! You’ll never regret the decision!
Thank you for a great blog and being a favorite twitter friend!!
Hi Suzy,
Thank you so much for your heartfelt and thoughtful response.
I certainly value the trust that Emmett has placed in us. I see it every day. I can’t fully imagine his life on the street or where his scars have come from, but I suspect Emmett has had to diligently fend for himself in survivalist mode by hoarding, scrounging and never trusting.
He has opened up so much and found comfort with us in a way that he still can’t with visitors. He may get excited in their presence, welcoming them and their attention, but he goes right back to breaking the rules and pushing, pushing, pushing to demonstrate that they can’t get anything over on him. I suspect he finds tremendous relief knowing that he doesn’t have to constantly assume that role with Tim or me – although he still tries occasionally. I have felt the tension subsiding over time (and my own stress levels are the better for it).
You’re right. I would never regret the decision to keep Emmett. The largest obstacle to that end is my husband’s desire to foster more dogs in the AnimaLovers’ program to keep them from extended kennel life. It seems that each time the opportunity to continue this work comes up, a rough-and-tumble, unwanted dog needs us for life.
You’re also right that Emmett really wants to be a good boy. I titled the video “Bad Dog” in contrast with a new video in the works. Watch this space for more to come…
I took on two rescue dogs that were forsaken by their previous owners. They are the loveliest animals I have ever known. It is sad how some individuals treat animals like property or worse. My hope is that more people will get educated about this subject.
Hello Terrance,
There is nothing more devastating than having to depend upon an abuser, yet animals who have been neglected, abandoned or abused learn to love and trust again when offered the chance. Somehow, they are more forgiving than people and, in their vulnerability, they deserve an opportunity to exist without the oppression of fear. This requires an active commitment from people like you.
I am confident that you have some very lucky dogs and I thank you for reading my blog.